Why Forgive?  After all, revenge is natural.  Bitterness is normal.  Hatred is expected when someone wounds us.  But forgiveness is neither normal nor natural.  Why forgive?

     Forgiveness is neither normal nor natural; it is, however, the foundation of our relationship with the Father, and it also sustains right relationships with other people.  This is why when Jesus gave us a model for prayer, He said we should pray, “Forgive us our debts (sins) as we forgive our debtors (those who sin against us).”
    This concept of forgiveness is so fundamental to the Kingdom of God that Jesus went on to say, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive your sins.  But if you do no forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father will not forgive your sins.”  (Matthew 6:14-15)

    Jesus reaffirmed this assertion in Matthew 18 when He told the parable of the unforgiving servant –you might remember that the king had forgiven the entire debt of a servant who owed more than he could ever repay.  When that servant then refused to forgive a minor debt to a neighbor, however, the king reinstated the servant’s entire debt –and then Jesus said these chilling word, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35)

    I have had people tell me that since Jesus said this before His death and resurrection, this teaching on forgiveness is part of the Old Covenant –that the New Covenant of grace supercedes this command to forgive others if we want God to forgive us.  But I don’t think we can blow it off that lightly.  The Old Covenant taught an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth rather than to forgive those who have wronged us.  I believe that this teaching is not at all a part of the Old Covenant –and in fact, not part of the New Covenant.  This has nothing to do with covenantal laws; this is simply a reflection of the Father’s heart.  Since His desire is that we have deep, abiding, intimate relationship with Him –and He knows that bitterness and anger and hatred prohibit intimacy –He commands that we forgive.

    While I don’t want to get into a theological debate over either salvation by works or eternal security, we still have to understand that Jesus used very strong language here and we must take Him seriously.  We can’t afford to let our theology get in the way of God’s desires for us.  Clearly, this is important and there is an awful lot riding on our ability and our willingness to put aside what is natural and do what is right.

    I’m going to assume that as followers of Jesus, we desire to do what is right and so we try to forgive.  I say “try” to forgive because it seems an almost universal dilemma that even when I decide to forgive someone who has wronged me –I make the choice to do the right thing, and I pray and tell God that I am forgiving this person –but then I see the person at the store, or I think about what happened and all the hurt and anger is back as strong as ever.  That’s how it works for me and I’m guessing that’s how it usually works for you too.

    When we still feel pain and resentment, it is an indication that there is still a debt owed.  We may have had the desire to forgive and release the debt, but for one reason or another, we didn’t actually release the debt.  Since we are still carrying the debt, there is still pain and anger.

    Now, it doesn’t make sense that God would require something that we can’t actually do.  So, let’s assume that there is a way to release the debt, release the pain, release the bitterness and resentment and be free of it permanently.  If there is a way to permanently and authentically and Biblically forgive, will you do it?  I hope so, because there is, indeed, a way.

    Our clue to the actual mechanics (the how-to) of forgiving is found in that parable from Matthew chapter 18.  You should go ahead and look it up.  In this story, it says that the king was taking an account of all that was owed him.  The king was taking an account.  This is important.  We can’t forgive a debt without taking an account of what is owed.  The reason we feel bitterness or pain is because something is owed.  There is a spiritual and emotional debt.  We must take a full account of the debt before we can effectively release it. God’s provision for the healing of our emotional and spiritual wounds always begins with the recognition that someone has sinned against us. The Kingdom of God is all about truthfulness and honesty, not covering up, denying and pretending.  Denying that we have been hurt –or pretending that it doesn’t matter -can never lead to healing.  Just as to be forgiven we must not bury and hide or deny our own sins, to forgive others we must stop denying and hiding the sins that have been done against us.  To forgive, we must admit what is true.

    But taking a full account means digging even deeper than just admitting what actually happened. Often the consequences of the act done against us are just as bad and sometimes even worse than the sin itself was.  For instance, a father might say to his son who is misbehaving, “Stop acting so stupid.”  The child might momentarily stop acting up, but he might also internalize the idea he is stupid.  And his belief that he is stupid will then affect his self-worth, how he interacts with other people, and all of his choices in life.  I call this the ripple effect.  It’s like a stone thrown into a still pond.  There is the initial splash –and then the ripples going out in all directions.  In order to fully forgive someone, we have to take a full account of the ongoing consequences.  And to whatever degree we take an account, we may truly forgive. 

    There are a few helpful questions we can ask to help us understand the effect a sin has had on us and the scope of the debt that is owed:
*When this incident happened did  I experience anger or bitterness?
*Did it make me feel devalued or demeaned? 
*Did it cause me to experience shame? 
*Did it cause me to become fearful? 
*Are there ongoing repercussions in my relationships? 
*How did this affect my family and friends?
*Has this sin against me negatively impacted my outlook or attitude toward life?

    As we allow ourselves to feel the pain of our responses to these kinds of questions, we begin to understand the consequences of the sin done against us.  All of these consequences are part of the debt that needs to be forgiven.

    Once we have taken an account, we are able to release the debt to Jesus.  To do this, we simply hand over the responsibility and the justice of the situation to the same Lord who forgave us our sins.  I picture myself as literally lifting this entire sin, consequences and all, up to God and giving it to Him to carry.  I say, “God, I don’t want to carry this debt or the weight of bitterness and anger any longer.  I’m giving it to You.  From now on, this debt is between You and the person who harmed me.  It is no longer mine.”

     In releasing the debts to God, we are in no way pretending that what happened doesn’t matter.  In fact we are fully admitting the wrong that was done to us –and we are choosing to turn it over to God.  We are giving to God our negative thoughts, the bad feelings, the very real hurt, and the right to judge.  And here is the cool part.  When we take a full account and release the debt to God, He lifts it from us, and we are free -completely and permanently!

-Written by Steve Pennell, By His Stripes Ministries-

Questions To Consider:

Why do we have to take a full account of the emotional and spiritual debt in order to completely forgive? 

As you think about the hurts in your own life, is there any hesitancy to take an account and forgive?  

What kinds of things might block your ability to forgive?